That’s what it feels like to me right now. That I have to dare myself to date again.

Why is it such a challenge? Why do all my insecurities immediately surface within hours of making the decision to put myself out there?

Ok, let me backtrack a bit.

On Saturday I decided that I was feeling great and asked myself, what is it I’m not doing to really feel like I’m living my life fully?

Kissing.

That’s what I’m not doing and gawd I LOVE kissing *goes off into a snogging dream world for a moment….* Of course, locking lips with the back of one’s own hand is not exactly a satisfying experience – not even when I was practising for my first kiss as a pre-teen. Yes, I can still remember that far back you cheeky eejit!

So armed with fresh thoughts of unbridled lust longing I asked myself how to get back in the dating game. Continue reading →

Trust and what it means to me.

I don’t know about you but 2012 is already one of massive healing and transformation for me.  I shall share something now that I learned about myself yesterday. Something about trust and love and who I really am.

Stuff keeps presenting itself to me, over and over and over again. In different ways, with different people but all evoke the same feelings within me – shouting at me “HEAL THIS”. There is obviously a common theme, so obvious in fact, that even I can’t miss it.

Or maybe I’m just getting better at looking within and asking myself – what is it in me that needs to be healed?

Are you reading this and thinking – errrr ok Sarah, wtf are you talking about? *lol*

Ok, basically, what I believe, is that everything I experience is ‘my story’ – the story of my life. The things I experience are manifested by me in order that I may learn and grow and remember Who I Really Am.

And the biggest, most painful ones are only that way as I’ve ignored the numerous little nudges and simply repeated the same old patterns and hoped for a different outcome. Nuts. As we all know, that is the definition of insanity!

So now I look at things as being in a state of love or unlove.

That was driven home to me by recently reading Deepak Chopra’s novel The Daughters of Joy. Brilliant message and why I had to go buy a copy which I’m sending to a friend and maybe it will get passed on by her too.

So when I am feeling any strong negative emotion I try and remember to ask myself, ‘Why is there unlove here? Why am I disconnected? What needs to be heard, understood, forgiven, loved?’

Often, I do not know, it is not clear. Or I think I know but I have not begun to scratch the surface and reveal the layers, wash them clean, so the wound can heal.

At times like this I simply aim to become aware. NOTICE my state of unlove. And start saying to myself on repeat, the words of Ho’oponopono. I say these words to ME, to my negative emotions, thoughts and feelings.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you”

I say this over and over, or part of it, silently to myself until I feel calm again. Or if I’m really stressed, I’ll say it out loud *lol*

I have no idea, why, but it helps me. I recommend you give it a go too ;o)

So anyway, back to my story of what happened to me this weekend… Continue reading →

Yep, after three months in Portugal, I’m back in Blighty. Back in time to experience the full-on biting winds of the south coast of England in Winter that make my eyes stream in an instant.

Tears.

Tears of joy maybe? Hmmm. People keep asking me what it’s like to be back – is it any different? How am I feeling? What’s changed?

Continue reading →