Just me stuffed into my coat  *tries to laugh*

Ok that did made me laugh *grin*… Yep the weather has been that crap in the UK that I had to put my coat on a few days ago and looked like a giant walking sausage roll.  For those of you who don’t know what the heck I’m talking about – a sausage roll is sausage meat wrapped in pastry that then puffs up on cooking.

And if  you’ve been saying, Sarah! Where the heck are you and have you just done another really positive  ’gonna do it THIS time’ video then disappeared to eat cake?

Umm well, yes.   A LOT of cake actually (well it was my birthday).   I almost can’t be bothered to write what’s happened as I’m so sick of myself it’s not funny but here’s a quick precis (of excuses).

• In August I did a video – pushing through the pain of figuring out new software, finally – and got it up online.  Went on to drink LOADS of juices and within a day was feeling so much better and felt my energy flowing again.
• Just a few days later was sat with my beautiful friend, Bird, discussing a letter she’d received with results from her cervical smear asking her to go to hospital for further investigation.  It was scary not understanding what it all meant but she knew she felt drawn to juicing ‘green stuff’. I was thrilled that she wanted to help herself and offered her the use of my juicer as she couldn’t afford to get one.
• I felt sure I could still do my own journey without it – all I had to do was chew my vegetables instead of juicing – easy eh?  Well with my pathetic willpower and penchant for eating my emotions I decided to scoff cake and biscuits instead.
• Oh and ignore I was doing it by not making myself accountable on here.
• So once I got on a roll of saying, ‘I’ll start again tomorrow’, ‘Eating salad is so boring, I have to find some recipes for dressing them’, ‘Making raw dressings are a complete pain in the butt to do’, ‘I’m not organised enough’, ‘I’m so crap’, ‘I’ve failed again’, ‘People are going to not read my blog anyway as I’ve not done what I said I was going to do, what’s the point in continuing with it’   BLAH BLAH BLAH

Sheesh *lol*  You know what I hate the most?  Is I KNOW with the right mindset and PREPARATION I can do this. I have done it before and I know how great I’ll feel.  THAT voice inside me is already groaning at the word ‘preparation’ hahhaaha so it’s good I’m aware of it because then I can change it. I am changing it.

Knowing and doing are two different things for sure.  So, I am going to do something every day that I decide on the evening before, which I will write down. I’m also going to stop the black and white, either/or thinking and spend more time being grateful.  I think I’ll share it with you the day AFTER.  I just feel the need to keep my energy close at first – yeah I’m a bit ‘woo woo’ as my sister would say but I’m not going to hide any part of me now, just to warn you.

Hmmm a part of me didn’t want to write any of that, the little voice saying ‘what’s the point, nothing’s changed, it not gonna either… big YAWN.. give up’

So anyway, I’m going to ignore that voice or maybe listen and say ‘thanks for sharing but I’m gonna eat this instead of that anyway’.

I’m 40.  My divorce is nearly final.  I’ve accidentally found myself in a fab new relationship.  And I am helping others share their passion.

Time I focussed on me too.