Yep, after three months in Portugal, I’m back in Blighty. Back in time to experience the full-on biting winds of the south coast of England in Winter that make my eyes stream in an instant.

Tears.

Tears of joy maybe? Hmmm. People keep asking me what it’s like to be back – is it any different? How am I feeling? What’s changed?

It was always my plan to come back in December. I did move the date slightly earlier as I felt the time was right to do so – that’s one thing I’ve definitely learned – listen to my Self.

It’s wonderful to see my kids, Chloe and Spencer, again. To see for myself that they’re ok, despite the opinions of two or three people who were concerned at my absence and emailed me about it. Yes, they’d missed me, yes they were very happy to see me again but they weren’t about to break into pieces or in desperate need for me to save them. All is fine.

So I guess that was just other peoples shit. Their fears. And because of my fears and my guilt (a pointless emotion btw), I’d allowed some of it to creep into me. A lesson learned and some good questions to ask myself in future -

Is this shit real? Where do I feel it? Who is it I REALLY need to talk to?

The big question now of course is – what next?

Well I am currently without a home, so staying in a spare bedroom temporarily. How lucky am I to have family and friends who want to help me?!

I have minimal savings, exacerbated by the fact that I loaned money (what is a considerable amount for me), to the ex boyfriend who managed his finances so badly he’s been unable to pay me back yet. Months later. And seems to have trouble putting me to the top of the priority list, although he has assured me this will change. Unfortunately words are his strong point and actions, less so but I gotta live in hope as we are all capable of change.

The great thing about my current situation though is that I have choices.

And I feel soooo positive that my life is exactly where it should be right now. I am safe, warm, have somewhere to sleep and food to eat – how lucky am I?!

I also have a lot of skills at my disposal and no excuses to stop me from taking action. I just have to choose where to focus my energy.

I’ve decided to keep RawRRR going, in fact I’m going to work on developing the site. It’s the one thing I keep coming back to over and over again and when I asked you about what its message should be. I got a very clear answer back that it should just continue to be me but with more information..

So I’m going to stop faffing about and do that.

I am also going to offer some of my services to others.. No matter how much I say I’m not doing web design stuff anymore, out pops advice to help others not only on how to get their message out online using WordPress, Facebook and other social media but I find myself asking ummm pertinent (some would say in-your-face-challenging) questions to help people look at what they REALLY want to do or be or achieve. I keep being told I’d make a great coach.

Who knows. One thing I do know is that I love, love, love to help light the spark in others, so maybe that will develop. Maybe not.

And I also know that all I have to do now is ask myself – What one action would move me forward today?

And then bloody well do it.

Every day.

Little steps, consistent action, focus on the positives, ask myself…. ‘How CAN I?’ instead of saying ‘I can’t because…’

All these things I’ve known. Some of these things I’ve not done. Yet.

Thankfully, now is all there is ;o)