Happy 2012 to you! I’m starting off my new year with one major new intention
Keep My Word
Keep my word to myself first and foremost, as well as to others.
How many times have I said I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of feeling like I’m in the same old place? Which is why I go silent on this blog so frequently – because I’m boring myself with the same old crap that comes out of my mouth, so you sure as hell must be too!
Something has to change!
That change for me has come in the form of being an action taker, not just a talker.
Not that I necessarily have to complete everything that I start, as, let’s face it, some things turn out to be a fricking bad idea and some things offer you opportunities further down the line that put a fork in the road and I want to be open to change and going with what FEELS right.
Get my head outta the way!!!
So last Summer is when I started stepping up and keeping my gob shut more and putting first one foot forward, then another, and another.
I caught up with my friend Bird today and she said to me, “Sarah, have you celebrated everything you achieved in 2011?” And I looked at her a bit blankly. Huh?
Immediately my mind started cataloguing all the things I’ve ever said over the years that I would do and never done, drowning out the good bits. But yes, there have actually been many, in quite a short space of time!
She reminded me that I took charge of my life, sold all my stuff, went travelling – on my own, changed my diet to that of a balanced vegetarian and as a result, EFFORTLESSLY, reduced my weight from the horrifying 12 stone I reached at my pinnacle in September (not a great accomplishment), to what I am today.
Weight and Measurements
So today I weighed in at 10stone 4.5lb / 144.5lbs / 65.6kg with a body fat measurement of 36% according to my Tanita scales.
My measurements are:
Thigh at 4″: 20″/51cm
Thigh at 8″: 22.5″/57cm
I logged into my YouTube account – I hadn’t been in it for months – and looked back through all my videos. At this journey I’ve been on. At the times I thought I looked fat and now I realise, I wasn’t really. I also noticed how my skin and my whole being glowed when I was eating LOTS of fresh fruit and veg.
I’m not going to repeat those years.
I LIKE what I see when I look in the mirror. It’s not brave for me to get in a bikini and film myself, I feel ok in my skin, not ashamed any more.
I’m not doing videos again because I feel so disgusted with myself, that if I face the camera it will make me do something about it. No, I don’t feel that way any more. I DID feel like that through those past two years but now what I weigh is no longer an issue for me.
I do however want to feel fit and healthy and VIBRANT.
I’m doing the videos to document THAT journey. I know from past experience, that people relate to me, they want me to keep sharing my story as sometimes what I say or do touches their life and they feel inspired, or compassion, or joy.
And hell, if I can do this – so can you!
You know I’m not anything special and you’ve seen me fail over and over again. You also see me hide for a bit. But you also see me come back. Again and again. Because this is something I HAVE to do.
Like I HAD to change my life this Summer.
It’s a calling deep inside me and I don’t know what’s going to happen, if anything. I just know I have to start again. And share what’s going on with me.
I know a lot of people find it hard to read what I share sometimes, especially my family. They ask me why I share such intimate details about my thoughts and feelings and experiences. It’s because I don’t think about it. I sit down and the words flow out of me and I just trust there is a reason for this.
My sharing is more than me.
I live my life now from a place of love. I feel loved and I share love. Even when I sometimes find this hard.. love and forgiveness and honesty always win in the end.
It feels good.
2012 feels like it’s going to be great.
What are your hopes, dreams and intentions for this year?