The Tunagasm by Sarah Cairncross

The Tunagasm

No word of a lie, this little recipe I got off Instagram via @fitgirl4me caused what can only be described as The Tunagasm in my mouth. Yes, it deserves capitalisation.

I have a load of recipes I think ‘ooh, I must try that’ and largely that is all I’ve been doing… whilst on my way to the kitchen to shove a slice of thickly buttered toast into my gob. Then feeling bad about it about half an hour later.

Luckily, the sunshine, and the act of taking my clothes off in the back garden (fairly private), plus seeing my reflection in the back door all combined to remind me that I said I was going to love myself more this year.

And yes, although there are lots of me I love right now, I’d like certain bits to feel more love. MORE. Mmm. More.

I digress.

Now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of gluttony, I’m just happy that right now in this moment I want to indulge myself in this recipe which isn’t filled with a load of processed shite (apart from the tuna being out of a can – shhh). I thought – sod it – I CAN do this. And off I went to the shop to get the bits ‘n’ pieces I needed.

Preparing to make The Tunagasm

I used:

  • a tin of tuna, drained
  • most of one stick of celery (not the whole thing), chopped into fairly little bits
  • half a red onion, finely chopped with some style
  • two baby pickles, hacked into little bits, thankfully none of my thumb
  • two tablespoons of natural yogurt
  • one teaspoon of English mustard
  • sea salt and ground black pepper to taste

Mix that lot together in a bowl and try to not scoff it all as you taste it to ‘check the seasoning’ 😉

Next I took out my leeefal mandolin, and sliced a whole cucumber along the length to create long ribbons. You could do this with some accurate knife slicing maybe or easier, would be with a potato peeler. Or check the side of your lardy arse cheese grater to see if it’s got a nifty slicer bit on it.

I lay the ribbons out and spooned some of the mixture on then cursed a little (shocking I know), then laughed a lot, as I attempted to roll it up into something slightly neat to make you look at it and think oooooh I’m so gonna EAT you.

As I was serving some up to my sister, Nicola, I thought I’d go the extra mile and stick the cocktail stick in it to attempt to keep it together and sprinkled some salt and pepper on top.

Et voila! Needless to say, she was VERY impressed.

I think this means I’m going to be doing this again and maybe attempting to become the Betty Fuckit of the online kitchen world. Well. Maybe.

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